I love the word bollocks. It can be used in so many situations. For instance:

Accident: “Bollocks! Mike, I broke a plate.”

Frustration: “Bollocks! Fuckin’ thing’s not working—again.”

Wonder: “Bollocks! Look at the size of that! Isn’t the Grand Canyon deep?”

Haha—I bet you thought I was going somewhere else with that.

Statement: “You’re talking a load of bollocks.”

Action: “Those would be a pair of bollocks you’ve just dropped, nurse.”

Description: “Those bollocks are far too hairy to belong to a gay man.”

And my favorite—fact: “Don’t you go anywhere, Mike! Those bollocks are mine.”

I’ve used the word with all those meanings during my brief history. I didn’t wait until adulthood, either.

In the course of my adolescent years, I went through the stages every teen did.

Couch potato.


Do I have to?

I’m playing a game.

What, now?

And the ultimate



Extra excerpt

Needless to say, once the day came when my life partner, Mike, and I bought our house, no one was surprised when it turned out to be in need of a little TLC. In fact, if it was a trauma patient, it would have been taken immediately to intensive care.

That was when the “Holy fuck, what have you taken on?” version of the word bollocks was used.

The wiring was old. The electric heater was there to cover the hole from an open fire, and the bathroom was a disaster waiting to happen. Walls were covered in fading flock paper, and the banister looked as though it had been leaned on a few too many times. As far as carpets went... ughhh. That was when I found another way to use the word—in disgust. Things were living in the crumbled rubber backing.

The poor dwelling was in a shocking state, considering it was only built in the sixties.

It had its good points, though. The damp course and walls weren’t in bad condition. Only a few parts needed rendering. No roof tiles were missing, and neither squirrel nor bat had taken up residence in the loft. Structurally, the place was sound. All it needed was the home improvement equivalent of some Botox and a serious facelift.

Our house was a little two-story, two-bedroomed cottage on the outskirts of Evesham—a town around a third of the way to Bristol from Birmingham. The town itself wasn’t small, and continued to expand into the surrounding farmland. It’s an area well known for its fruits and vegetables.

Due to the cottage’s dilapidated condition, and lack of sleeping accommodation, we purchased the property for an exceptional price. Beautifully, both of us could see its potential. The electricity source at ground level was up to standard, and so was the basic plumbing. The convenient thing was we had a caravan to stay in while we completed repairs.


We loved the cottage. The first thing we did was give it a name—Gayden. 

Excerpts’ from reviews – follow links for full reviews

Link - Saguaro Moon Reviews

At first when I started reading this short, I didn’t know exactly what to think. The way it had initially started had my arching my brow and sitting back wondering where they were going to go. Yet with each page that passed I found myself laughing about Mike and Duncan’s antics as they went through their daily routing of bringing their first home up to par and remodelling it. I never realized the many ways Duncan cold use the word Bollocks and the fact that he could make it such a versatile word made me chuckle.

Link - World of Diversity Fiction Review

5* - I absolutely loved this story. It was hilarious and the way of using bollocks in sentences was fabulous... To read more - use the link


Link - Multtaskingmommas 

This is a funny read. This tells the tale of how two men decide to buy a fixer upper. Of course as men they do most of the stuff themselves, hence the title: DIY. As they sort through the mess, they discover lots of ways to use the word: Bollocks.

Link - MM Good Book Reviews 

So this is a great little story that fills the spot if your short on time or just want a taste to keep you going… or you want to know the various occasions when bollocks is appropriate, and there’s a wide range of occasions

Buy the short story: 

AMAZON US: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00OJZ2GUE/
AMAZON UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00OJZ2GUE/